Pets

Years ago, I got a rope lead for my dog. I immediately loved how it felt to hold. So sturdy, such a comfortable grip, like I’m leading a small, energetic horse around. It eventually faded from the sun, and attempted washings, and just generally got grimy as things attached to animals do. So I saved up and ordered another one. They are pricey, but luckily it was something I already knew I liked.

But no! Betrayal! The seller switched what rope they were using and then pretended it was a surprise when I messaged asking why the rope was so much thinner. Like, you said you made this. The dimensions are listed. Don’t lie! I was irritated.

I kept using both leashes for years. Finally, I had had enough and wanted a new one. Even if I wanted to try the seller I had used before, they had disappeared. But multiple people make these now, so I found one to order.

And of course, somehow, this one was even thinner. Apparently there is a market for dainty little dog ropes. But I do not want a dainty dog rope. I want a meaty rope. I want my hand to be wrapped in thick, ropey goodness.

So I took to the task of attempting to make my own. Much like my search for harness handles that ended with me making my own out of an old leash and a bike handle cover, it has lasted years and been through the wash many, many times with no problems. I believe in me!

Ingredients for rope lead: cotton rope, metal clip, long sewing needle, embroidery thread, fabric dye in whatever colors you want, metal ring for keychain

You can dye the rope before or after assembling it. I dyed it after just because I had never done this before and didn’t want to wait until going through the dying process to find out I couldn’t sew it up properly. I would probably try braiding the rope a bit with the next one, but again, I didn’t want to push my luck on the first go.

I let each color soak for 24 hours before washing it out and doing the next one. Washing it out at the end takes a while. It’s a lot of dye. RIP the color of the bathtub. But at least it worked!

You can see the progression right to left of nice thick lead, oh no thinner lead, oh no even thinner lead, LOOK OUT SHE’S HUGE. And listen, I do not have big hands. I’m tiny. This isn’t a my hands problem, this is a skinny-ass lead problem.

So I guess the lesson is never give up on your dreams, especially if your dreams are really simple like a big piece of rope.

To make sure my dog doesn’t go completely insane walking the same place every day of her life, I sometimes take her on the train into town. We also go there for vet appointments and pet store trips, but not very often. The former because she’s usually healthy, and the latter because I am not capable of carrying much pet food across town to the train with an excitable dog. So sometimes we just walk so she can show off her amazing eyelashes to everyone.

My dog has gotten grass seeds (foxtails, spaniel’s bane) in her ears three times now. (She’s also gotten them embedded in her paws, but this is about ears.) Once I could get it out myself with tweezers, once the vet had to get it out, and once the vet had to get it out but had to knock her out with ketamine first.

See, my dog has a signature move, which is where she dive-bombs the ground while turning sideways, getting as much of whatever she’s diving into onto her ear. Or in her ear. She’s not the brightest. And where I live is basically a biblical plague of grass seeds in a summer with no rain.

Still, I wanted to make an honest attempt at keeping her from getting stuff in her stupid, giant ears (no really, who decided to breed dogs who step on their own ears, that’s fuckin’ stupid) so she can still get the exercise she needs. She has a snood she wears when she eats her wet food for dinner, but she’s not attempting to become one with the ground during dinner, and even then, I have to secure it with a pony tail or it’ll flop straight over her eyes.

Yes, those are her eyelashes, no they don’t/haven’t gotten caught in anything or I would have cut them.

Not letting a spaniel run around outside would be considered cruel, but equally letting her get objects lodged in her head is also bad. So we attempted a mesh snood. It went about as well as I expected.

She, of course, dove at a pile of shit at her first opportunity, thus coating the snood in poop. Now she’s wearing a shit covered snood that we can’t take off or do anything about until we walk all the way home. Then, of course, she jumps into the river because, again, spaniel. She loves being wet. So now we have a shit covered snood steeped in river water.

Here you can see her taking a dip, and then being scared by a stick.

And so, experiment failed. No more off lead time until the fucking grass seeds are gone. Fuck grass seeds. How dare they keep attacking my poor, idiot muppet.