It’s Autumn
Calendar autumn is autumn. I’ll hear no cries of waiting for the Autumnal Equinox, because September is not summer no matter how hot. And as you can see, the black cats are already in bloom.
Dog On A Train
To make sure my dog doesn’t go completely insane walking the same place every day of her life, I sometimes take her on the train into town. We also go there for vet appointments and pet store trips, but not very often. The former because she’s usually healthy, and the latter because I am not capable of carrying much pet food across town to the train with an excitable dog. So sometimes we just walk so she can show off her amazing eyelashes to everyone.
Why Bother?
It’s gonna hurt me.
It’s gonna kill when you dessert me. 🍨
What I mean is, why bother starting a blog (again) in the midst of the dogshit pollution machine apocalypse that is AI?
Because if you aren’t online in some capacity, you are pretty much kicked out of society and being a disabled person means maybe I should at least try to find other humans who want to help keep me alive. The rest of the internet is pretty much unusable so at least I can sit here in my own little domain and shout into the void mostly uncensored except for [REDACTED] and other truths that you can’t actually publish or they put you on a list.
I also have a bunch of weird shit and stories in my head and OCD rumination like a motherfucker. I gotta get some of this stuff out. As therapy. Or as some sort of evil chain letter The Ring scenario. Probably both.
Actually, that’s a really good idea. Just general disclaimer, if you don’t share my writing with 10 other people within the month, great misfortune will find you.
Of course, I need to actually finish and publish said writing that isn’t this absent-minded scribble. But that shit is scary and I don’t trust you yet. Yes, you. Earn my trust. EARN IT. How? I have no fucking idea just let me have this scenario where it’s your fault and not mine for being a scared little baby.
Okay, that’s not true. The biggest hurdle to my publishing finished fictional works is not that I am a scared little baby, it’s that I’m a poor little baby. And when you worry about if you are gonna be homeless, it’s not very motivating to do work that does not immediately result in pay. But I also can’t work any other jobs. Constant stress, zero productivity! The dream!
Pay me to keep talking or pay me to shut up. I’m fine with either one.
OOTW : Jumpsuit For Next Year
This jumpsuit had been sitting on my desk for months and months because it was like 10cm too long. Clothes are made for giants now. But jumpsuits are comfy. More people should wear them. So stretchy.
I finally took the 15 minute to fix it up. Just in time for the end of summer so it can go hang with my other clothes I won’t touch for the next 8 months. I had so much leftover fabric, I can make a matching bow for my dog. But since that will also sit on my desk for many months, expect a matching outfit photo next year.
Ignore the hideous shoes. Those are my inside shoes that I only got because I need that much height to reach the pedals on my exercise bike. Go ahead, mock my tininess. It only makes me stronger. Or more tiny.
Just Another Eclipse
In case you were wondering, people in Europe look straight at the sun during solar eclipses, too.
Ears 1, Snood 0
My dog has gotten grass seeds (foxtails, spaniel’s bane) in her ears three times now. (She’s also gotten them embedded in her paws, but this is about ears.) Once I could get it out myself with tweezers, once the vet had to get it out, and once the vet had to get it out but had to knock her out with ketamine first.
See, my dog has a signature move, which is where she dive-bombs the ground while turning sideways, getting as much of whatever she’s diving into onto her ear. Or in her ear. She’s not the brightest. And where I live is basically a biblical plague of grass seeds in a summer with no rain.
Still, I wanted to make an honest attempt at keeping her from getting stuff in her stupid, giant ears (no really, who decided to breed dogs who step on their own ears, that’s fuckin’ stupid) so she can still get the exercise she needs. She has a snood she wears when she eats her wet food for dinner, but she’s not attempting to become one with the ground during dinner, and even then, I have to secure it with a pony tail or it’ll flop straight over her eyes.
Yes, those are her eyelashes, no they don’t/haven’t gotten caught in anything or I would have cut them.
Not letting a spaniel run around outside would be considered cruel, but equally letting her get objects lodged in her head is also bad. So we attempted a mesh snood. It went about as well as I expected.
She, of course, dove at a pile of shit at her first opportunity, thus coating the snood in poop. Now she’s wearing a shit covered snood that we can’t take off or do anything about until we walk all the way home. Then, of course, she jumps into the river because, again, spaniel. She loves being wet. So now we have a shit covered snood steeped in river water.
Here you can see her taking a dip, and then being scared by a stick.
And so, experiment failed. No more off lead time until the fucking grass seeds are gone. Fuck grass seeds. How dare they keep attacking my poor, idiot muppet.
Outfit Of The Week : The Best Jeans To Wear In A Dog Attack
If you’ve ever contemplated what to wear if you live in a hellscape of loose, angry dogs when you still want to look good, apparently you need look no further than these jeans I was wearing while a German Shepherd tried to eat my leg. They are Wranglers (Silver Lake? They aren’t on the website anymore so who knows if they still exist anywhere.) that I had to take apart and resew because of a giant gap at the waist and also hem because there exist no jeans in my size.
I would have been very irritated if the dog managed to ruin these jeans because of all the work I put in to get them to fit. Luckily the denim on these is quite thick. Here you can see how the teeth did not penetrate the jeans and only majorly bruised me. Which still hurts like a motherfucker, but could have been much worse.
Let’s hope my next outfit has a less violent showcase.
Bonus dog outfit: Birthday girl who I will always defend with my feeble body
Toy Cameras
I hate phones. Smart phones, doubly so. 90% of my current phone use is using the camera to take photos of my pets or landscapes while out on dog walks. I hate having to use my phone. It’s too big (I’m small). It’s awkward to hold. It’s a pain in the ass to take out either my bag or the pocket it is inevitably stretching out with it’s bigness, unlock, and use. Fuck it. Fuck a phone. Hate them.
I also have no real need for 4000+ pixel photos. I’m not going to print them into a billboard. And at some point we reach the same issue we had with switching TVs to high definition where we are seeing people’s pores and individual hairs and unless you are photographing very specific shit, you just don’t want that. In fact, now we add filters to smooth out and color adjust to compensate for the higher definition and that’s just fucking silly. I just want to look at fun little photos.
So if you are like “hey why are many of your photos so shitty”, they are shitty on purpose! I’ve started using little toy cameras. I love blur. I love noise. I love fucked up lighting. I have a Kodak Charmera, but also have another little off brand with a tiny little flip screen to take selfies, and a mid-sized kids camera that adds little stickers.
I used to know someone who couldn’t watch TV if it wasn’t at the highest of resolution and quality. I am lucky I have never had this problem. I actually have pretty severe visual snow, so real life looks like a bad TV signal to me anyway. I will sometimes add noise to photos, just because I want everyone to see what I see.
I will adjust some of the colors in photoshop afterward of some photos, but nothing major, and more than most are just straight off the camera. I don’t know how these work for people who don’t have tiny hands like me. You could maybe break it with your normal sized hand strength. But not me. Tiny person, tiny camera, tiny photos.
I do still use the camera on my phone (mostly just pet photos so I can then send the pet photos to a friend, so many pet photos, tens of thousands..). But the toy cameras are really fun and I like the option.